Down and Lost ...

I clearly know that am not running away from anything ...
I did my best i face my exams, my test, my failures and stupid monster ...
and in the end am lost am not sure what the heck am fighting for ....
Or rather perhaps for all that I do i will lose the battle in the end...

I won't worry my life away

So yup last term test was today.
Whatever done is done ...

Lots of things had happen lately ...
Battling a huge monster at the moment ...
(i call it the monster cause i dun wish others to worry)
I am totally not sure how long this battle is going to last ...
Not sure if i will win the monster ...

But ...

I WON'T WORRY MY LIFE AWAY!
LIVING EACH DAY AS IF IT IS THE LAST!

Perfection?

Maybe i guess no one ever hear this from me, but I FEELING STRESSED!

Actually seriously i don't know why am i working so hard to make ends meet.

I’m tired. I’m sick of doing well.
I dont feel good when i do well, i feel complied to do it.
As if its a norm for me do well.

My mind is tired and my morale is low.
People depend on me so much, and i really want to depend on them to help me.

Can i just give up now?
I reallly have no energy to go on ...
But i cant find a perfect reason for giving up.
It just a few months away from graduation and hopefully getting to uni and a scholarship.

Ah.......................

19th Birthday

Just felt that i should blog today ...
Just to mark the day ...

Didn't do much today ...
Went school for 3 lectures and aerodynamic quiz 1
Ya... i screw my quiz ..and i won't be getting full marks ...

Didn't wanted to celebrate my birthday this year ...
Really wasn't in the mood to do it ...
Really feel like give up now ...
But is it worth it giving up when i am so close?

Upcoming:
7 days to Gas Turbine Engine Quiz
11 days to Term Test
19 days to LTT re-exam and Traffic Police Test

Realisation

I find my mind quite slow lately ...
To the point it was only when i was waiting for my bus home today from school
That i realise I have too much to lose if i fail/ drop a grade for my subjects
GPA ...
Chances of getting into uni or even a scholarship ...
It is just too much for me to give up now ...

I really have to hang on.... hope i have the strength and wisdom to be there and achieve what i need to

5 days to higher engineering math quiz 2
7 days to Aerodynamic quiz 1

I got score well for my math ... i need that motivation ...
I cannot do badly for aerodynamic quiz ... it will screw up my gpa ...
I just cannot screw up ...

I know I lost it

I lost it
I lost my motivation in studies
I lost my confidence in studies
Couldn't sleep well lately
Slept about 4 hrs last night

Am not sure what happen
Counldn't get myself to mug harder

I know I know is my last semsester
Screwing up now is stupied

Approx,
1 week to Higher math quiz 2 and Aerodynamic quiz 1
2 weeks to Gas turbine engine quiz 1
3 weeks to term test

I need to get myself up and running soon ....

Decisions

I getting sick of making decisions
Drop or Don't drop higher math?
Retake LTT?
Contiune to Work?

Giving up seems to be the easier way out ...
I dun know ...
But i also don't want to give up just now ...

Efficiency. Goals. Purpose.

Once my lecturer told me, 'What matters is what you achieve at the end, the process is just there to be enjoyed'. Starting to wonder what i had been doing for the past 2 1/2 year in poly, the mugging and the fun i had with my coursemates. True, i may not what holds after this last sememster or perhaps i might just screw up my GPA.

But i guess if i put my heart and mind to my studies things should turn out just find, no point worrying about the efficiency of the path we take in life.

"Sucess favours the prepared mind" << this happens always just like Murphy's Law.

First taste of Higher Engineering Math

As the tittle says, i attempted my higher engineering math tutorial
Just 2 section of my 1st tutorial ...
My mind is totally drain ...

Guess a 1 year break from math didn't really help much ...

3rd day of year 3.2

Today i didn't go school
Instead went to T2 to take my CAAS M6 & M7 paper
Finally they are over ...

Ok, so i had a pretty stressful higher engineering math lecture yesterday...
Got to seriously think through whether i should take the subject or not

Got lots of things this semester
Still have some other CAAS paper they i would be taking at the end of the year
Also have to manage LTT re-take exam (if i fail, which i had a feeling i did) ...
Then got Aerodynamic, Human Factor, Air Law, Career Communication, Gas Turbrine Engine and then Higher Engineering Math.
Haiz... wonder if i will survive...

But if i believe i would, i would.
"If i put my mind to it, i can do almost anything"

Last day of Holiday

So yup... today will be the end of my last day of 1 wk break
Felt as if i didn't really rested well
Sort of having insomia, been waking up at around 6-7 am every morning no matter how late i slept
But is ok ... i should be fine

Tomorrow will be my 1st day of my last semester at TP
I wonder how is like to go back a be a normal student after the rountine 8.30am - 4pm life for the past six months

Subject to be taken: (6 in total)

1. Career Communication
2. Applied Principles for Effective Living 3
3. Aviation Legislation and Human Factors
4. Gas Turbine Engine
5. Basic Aerodynamics
6. Higher Engineering Math

141008:Holiday Day 5

As seen above, mugging in progess.

7 days till CAAS paper...

Time really files.

Holdiays been burnt

Work. Revision. Work. Revision. Work. Revision

I will always remember:

"Sucess Favours the prepared Mind"

09/10/08: LTT Day 125

Yeah !
Today is the day 125 of LTT...
Hopefully i pass my exams ...
And hopefully i will pass CAAS exams in a week time ...

1 week break here i come ...
Excepting a lot of time doing revision ...

28/09/08: 10 more days

10 more days till LTT M6/M7 examination
Seriously got to buck up and start muggging harder
About 8 more official training days till my training is over

8 OCT 08 the fateful day
Where i will sit for my LTT M6/M7 Examination
150 MCQ
2 ESSAY QNS

Will i make it?

HOPE

As long as there is DREAM there is HOPE
As long as there is HOPE there is JOY IN LIVING
We should always DARE TO DREAM and DREAM BIG.

Will i acheive my dreams?
Will i survive just by eating bread?

If i put my mind to it, i can do almost anything!

06/09/08: 23 days of training left

Yesterday was day 102.
So 23 days of official training left.
It is the last lap...
However i felt am not ready for me exams in october
Seriously...
= (

05/08/08: 3rd Hand Project

I did it...
I manage to complete my 3rd Hand Project ..
Felt a sense of accomplishment when i install my 3rd hand
What is left is waiting for grading...
Hopefully i get good grades *prays*


Presenting you my 3rd Hand :

I don't why lately i became very quiet
Maybe just want quiet moment
I hope, seriously hope am not blocking everyone out of my world
Especially with things at home in a mess on my plate

Went out for an evening run just now
Really felt refresh....
Ok, revision here i come...

03/08/08: 47 days left in training

As the tittle says is the last lap of my training
47 days left ....

On wednesday i started my first graded project.
3rd Hand Project
To be true to myself i was very afraid
I afraid i will make a mistake
Afraid that i won't get good grade
Many of classmates have ruined their workpiece

I made a couple of minor mistake but i was able to ammend them
2 more days left to complete this project
Hopefully i can make it
Focus on work and i guess, things will go will the next 2 days

Oh yeah, yesterday was AE4 (Aerospace Engineering class 4 -that my class) class BBQ
It was at pasir ris park pit 55
I have lots of fun
From card games(black jack and heart attack), to cooking the food, to creating a alumium bowl to put the staty sauce even puting the bowl into a leak test.
The best of all was creating our own olympic torch from a row of newspaper
Suppose to be playing wacko with it but put a group of engineer and a box of fire starter you get a olymipc torch

One thing i realise was my class can't run away from things we learn, during lunch break, on our way home and even at yesterday BBQ, we were applying everything we are learning into our daily life.

Ok, that all for now.
Shall blog again when i am free...
Revision here i come ...

14/07/08: Status Report

I change my blog template to some brighter
I guess life has been very dull and black lately
Perhaps this is the first step to looking on the bright sight of life

A reminder to myself:
这个世界上就算没人关心我，
没人理会我，
没人疼我也没关系
重要的是我关心自己
我不要放弃自己

Last friday was Awards For Excellence Presentaion Cermony,
And i fall into the Top Student Category
Another piece of paper to beautify my portfolio

Day 64 of Lufthansa Technical Training
Exam are in october
Approx 3 months to go
I got pull my sock up and start mugging harder

Life basically revolve around the following things:

TRAINING STUDY REVISION
WORK RUN BADMINTON
OCCASICALLY SQUASH

*Insterestingly sleep is not on the list, haha*

21/06/08: Status Report

Very long never blog...
So just take some time to blog...

Yesterday was Day 48 of LTT Training...
So i have 77 Days left
Training been okay, learning new things everyday
Also got to know i achieve my Junior Director List Award.
But i am not very happy, i am not sure why.
Perhaps because i do nothing but study and work lately.

Driving lesson is also in process as well
Hopefully i can finish my subjects soon...

Sleep time is to the minimum, basically 4-5hrs everynight
Starting to wonder where to look for energy to battle everything
Have to find energy to start storing the information in my head

What i could is that the days ahead is not easy to walk.
Will i survive?
Will I achieve what i want?
Will i battle the monster?
O.o

The more I see the less I know
The more I want to let it go...

23/05/08: Status Report

4 days to FTT ...
6 days to Quiz 2 ...

A normal day would basically start at 5.30 AM
And would end at about 1 - 2 am
This was my life for the past 1 month that i didn't post
And it will be even more hectic in the days to come

There is this flu/cold virus spreading in my class
Doing my best to NOT catch it
I can't afford to fall sick now, I really can't

When i was young, i couldn't sleep at night
Because I thought there was a monster in my closet
But there wasn't anything in my closet but fear
And fear wasn't real
It wasn't make of anything
It was just air , not even that
I just have to face it
I just have to open that door and the monster would disappear

In my current situation,
I face my fear, and open that door
And there's a hundred more doors behind it
And the monster that are hiding behind them are all real

What i am unsure is will i survive till i open the last door
What if the monster got me
Took away all my strenght and energy
I guess the outcome will be indesirable

LTT Day 2

Day 2
Much more motivated to do filing today
(Guess is the effect of a good swim last night)
Learn a lot today
Learn how file evenly today, how to use a hack saw
How to do centre punches. etc.

I would say I am about 70% done on my work piece
Tomorrow will be the last day to work on my U-block
Sort of afraid I can’t finish it on time
Guess tomorrow we will know

Countdown: 123 days left

LTT Day 1

Day 1 of Lufthansa Technical Training
Training is everyday from 0830hrs to 1615hrs

Lots of things to learn
Theory consist of a 6 inch course notes we have study
Practical consist of a series of assignments and project
Haiz!

Spend today filing a U-block (basically a metal block)
Due to my height, the workbench is too high
Having some difficulties filing
Hopefully tomorrow will be better
Feeling tired today …

Countdown: 124 days left

Self Reflective Entry

Ever since holidays start, things have been going upside down and haywire. I was busy with Work, NCC, Driving Lesson, etc. Don’t really even have time for myself.

Now on leave so not working till school starts, not really busy with NCC, not busy with studies yet, it certainly gives me time to ponder, reflect and plan, before school starts and the hectic schedule begins.

Was thinking lately why I have been working so hard over my holidays. It is all because of money, it is essential for anyone survival. Money, I guess everyone get troubled over it from time to time.

Then I thought about NCC. I no longer felt the satisfaction after conducting a unit training even when I know I have taught them well. Next lesson when they come back they will forget most of the things. My officers commented that the cadet’s information retention level is low hence they forgot what is taught. However on the other hand, I felt perhaps the teaching methods are wrong. Or maybe they are simply not interested and were force to attend training.

With Lufthansa Technical Training (LTT) commencing on Monday, I would say I will be missing in action (MIA) for a long period of time in NCC. Perhaps when I am back, more things would have change and I have no choice but to accept the things that have transform.

Next week, i will start my 3rd and last year at TP. Last semester GPA was 3.94, a drop of 0.01. The goal now is to maintain the 3.94 GPA till I graduate. It is going to be hard work no one ever told me it was easy.

3 days of holidays left